2018 So Far: Goodbye (almost) 50 Pounds

My January 2, 2018 weigh-in basically crippled my emotional well-being, even though I knew it was coming: 235.5.

I’d been eating like crap because holidays, and I just didn’t really care. At that point in my life, I thought I was happy. Life had it’s very drastic ups and downs, but that was my normal and I’d accepted it as such, so I ignored all of the signs pointing to “be wary, lady”.

February and March didn’t prove to be the time I was going to help myself. I weighed in at 224 at the end of March, which to me wasn’t enough progress for 90 days. I was slacking and I knew it.

Then my life changed drastically and through some really painful self-reflection, I understood that I needed to make a serious change in the way I treated myself; I needed to learn to love and accept myself for who I am and stop changing to try to fit into whatever I thought other people needed/wanted me to be. That shit was killing me.

Even then, it really wasn’t until my BFFs S+S decided to go Keto and track macros that I really straightened up. We started using Carb Manager on April 16th (I weighed in at 218.7) and hooooly moly, I had forgotten a) how much work it is to track macros and calories and b) how productive it is to track every single morsel of food you put in your body (keto or not). I managed to stick with tracking (which normally turns me into a crazy person) through the end of June, where I excitedly weighed in at 190.5! Into ONEderland and freaking loving my progress. I’ve been 80/20 keto for the rest of the year so far, and lately have been bouncing between 186-192 (the latter this morning, but whatever). Here’s pics from April 16th compared to this morning:

I oddly enough don’t feel like there is a ton of difference between these photos when I look at them, but holy hell nothing could be further from the truth:

  1. I’m down another 32.7 lbs between these photos
  2. I’m down two pant sizes (from 16 to 12, and my 12s are big these days)
  3. My smile is freaking REAL
  4. I have actual love for myself: my heart, my brain, my body – ME. Actual real love. I’ve learned to prioritize my own needs before prioritizing others, and I’ve accepted that it’s okay to be what I want to be in life; I don’t have to change into what I think I’m supposed to do/be…I’m free to exist exactly as I am. While obviously weight loss plays a big role in my happiness, it isn’t everything. In fact it’s the opposite – getting to a place of self-love and self-acceptance is why I’ve been able to kick so much (of my own) ass this year. It’s the most beautiful cycle… love yourself, make progress, love yourself more, make more progress.
  5. Let’s give another read for #4, because holy shit I didn’t know it’d take 31 years to get here

I’m so super-close to having lost 50 lbs this year. People keep asking me what my goal weight is, and I keep telling them: I don’t know. I do know that I don’t want to get over 200 again, so I need to lose another 10-15 lbs so I can eat to my heart’s content over the holidays (I said it on IG and I’ll say it here, please save your judgement, I do what I want).

I cannot thank my amazing support system enough for helping me figure myself out and understand what changes needed to happen for me to get where I am right now (happy, holy hell). I’d list you all, but that’d be awkward and weird, so please, if you think it’s you, it probably is: thank you, so freaking much.

Onward and upward. Oh and I’ll try not to go six months before I post another update ❤

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Good lord I hate my legs. 

Good lord I hate my legs.

I hate their translucence and I hate those damn dimples
Subcutaneous fat that’s worse than pimples
I hate the way they don’t fit together
And I hate that they’re hot from May to September

I hate that shorts come in several length styles
But none of them make my legs seem worthwhile
I hate that there is never a perfect-enough hem
But most of all, I hate that I hate them

They carry me everywhere my heart wants to go
Up mountains, down rivers, and to see the ice floe
They generally take 10,000 steps every day
So why do I continue to hate them this way?

It’s learned behavior and societal bullshit
Because of some cultural norms I won’t ever fit
Just like my uneven tits and the gap in my teeth
More ways I’m convinced that I’ll always be beneath

So I take them on walks and I take them on vacation
I try to believe that some day I’ll embrace them
I put them in a bikini and I try to ignore
All the people who stare when we go ‘down the shore

I ogle the photos I’ve posted while brave
And just keep believing I won’t always be a slave
To convention and believing that any of it matters
And just keep hoping that someday the “rules” shatter

Maker:S,Date:2017-8-16,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

Goddamn Sugar Free Pie

That goddamn sugar free pie

I just can’t seem to resist the buy

I know how delicious it is with some dairy

And ignore the knowledge that I should be wary

Just because it says sugar free

Doesn’t mean it’s not super-carby

And I need to cut it out of my life

Instead of continuing to cut it with a knife

-A poem by a very sad KetoDeb, who’s weight can’t deal with all those carbs.

Weigh-In: Down 9.3 LBS! Woop woop! (Plus, Last Week’s Meals)

Hi, loves!

Well, I obviously gave it away in the title… down another 1.5 lbs at yesterday’s weigh-in, for a total of 9.3 lbs gone since I started back on the path of goodness on 9/4! Man, that feels good:

weigh in 9 16

I probably should’ve gone for the “HELL YEAH” but it’s my scheduled cheat day (still logging, though!) and I’m feeling like, OMG WHY AM I DOING THIS. But anywho.

Here’s what I made for food last week:

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I already reviewed the Chicken Thighs with Shallots & Spinach in my last blog post, but I’ll definitely be reviewing some of the other recipes I found last week, too.

Now it’s off to finish off this logged cheat day with style – MREOW. I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday evening!

Recipe Review: Taste of Home Chicken Thighs with Shallots and Spinach (LC, HF, GF)

As part of my calorie-counting plans,  I wanted to use actual recipes *gasp* for my meal plans. It’s just a little less thinking for me to plan all the things when I can at least start somewhere with an ingredient list. I decided last week that I wanted to incorporate at least three new meals or meal ideas into our week of dinners. Of course that meant heading to my favorite place to find such things, Pinterest.

I searched “low calorie dinners” and got really good results, but for things I wasn’t really down for spending the time/money on. Bird really love chicken thighs, so I narrowed my search to “low calorie chicken thigh dinners” and voila! Success. One of the results that came up was a list of 30 Healthy Dinner Recipes in 30 Minutes from Taste of Home. There were quite a few recipes in there I was interested in, but nothing strikes my fancy like a dish with spinach. I put spinach in my scrambled eggs every morning I’m home (I drink BPC when I have to travel) and so finding a recipe that would just allow me to buy a bit more spinach? That’s meal-planning winning fo’ sho. Enter this freaking gem of a dish: Chicken Thighs with Shallots & Spinach by Jenna Johnannes from Wrightstown, WI.

Here’s the ingredient and instruction list:

Ingredients and Instructions for Chicken Thighs with Shallots and Spinach

And here are the changes I made:

  1. Instead of using seasoned salt, I used himalyan pink salt and Simply Organic Herbs de Provence (affiliate link for Amazon, just an FYI!). I also added waaaay more than 1/2 teaspoon of the herbs, because YUM. It’s so delicious.
  2. I went with the reduced-sodium chicken broth. I’m sure the wine would be delicious, but meh.
  3. I used full-fat sour cream (Organic Valley makes reallllly good organic sour cream!) because I don’t believe in low-fat and fat-free things, except for cooking spray, lol.

I also logged all of the things into LoseIt as a recipe and put it as 4 servings (she listed six, but I try to make things that we can each just have half of, that way there aren’t leftovers to mess up my pre-planned lunches). Here’s what the recipe looked like:

my version

1010 calories for the whole shebang is perfect – that meant a 505 calorie meal for each of us. SO EXCITING when it just works out well! I knew that probably wasn’t quiiiite enough food for me after a really long day, so I added a side of roasted zucchini (zucchini, chopped with olive oil + salt + pepper, roasted at 400 degrees for 15 minutes) so the total meal came to 606 calories (29.4g fat, 14.2g net carbs, and 39.7g protein). Also, it plated up beautifully:

IMG_20170914_214314

This recipe was definitely a winner – can’t wait to rotate it in to a meal plan again in a few weeks!

I’m feeeeeeeeling goooooood

First of all, I love Michael Buble’s version of this song (not that I don’t love Nina Simone’s — mmph) but damn, that boy is a delight to ears (okay, okay, and the eyes):

As I mentioned in my last blog, I had a pretty eye-opening weigh-in two weeks ago. I was sort of in shock, disbelief… how did I let myself get back to this weight? I didn’t have the excuse of a car accident, it’s been two years since my head/spinal injury and even though that certainly plays a role, I could have adjusted by now and still been on my game…. without excuses, I just had me to blame.

I took some time to write in my personal journal to get a grip on myself. I’ve been coasting. A lot of things in my life had been a result of me coasting instead of working toward my goals. I’ve worked on a lot of those things – gotten my shit together in so many ways. But weight loss… something so important to me for so many reasons… I was just fucking around, ignoring it, putting it off, being lazy. It was time for a change.

It’s always nice when you make a commitment to something and see immediate results:

September 10 17 Weigh In

Yeah, yeah, that’s what up.

Here’s what my focus is on:

  • Meal planning (with intention of cost-savings and calorie counties)
  • Meal prep (getting all my basics cooked every Sunday so it’s not overly difficult to stick to plan because I’m being lazy)
  • Calorie counting in LoseIt, my fave app for weight loss (and totally worth the paid version; they’re a great company and the freaking data is amazing)
  • Carb-conscious (aiming for less than 100g of carbs per day, and those carbs need to be valuable, not empty)
  • Organic eats (my body is important to me and I want to treat it like I give a shit. I accept the trade-off of the cost of organic food to the cost of going to the doctor’s, something I rarely do unless it’s related to my injuries)
  • Do-able (for me) exercise (walking/hiking and Zumba once a week. I’m still considering a gym membership but have to talk to more doctors first about lifting with a spinal cord and brain issues)

Is all of this planing, prepping, and counting a pain in the ass? Yeah, kinda. But look at this progress. I can have an extra few hours a week to do whatthefuckever, or I can hunker down and take care of myself. I’m choosing me.

And it’s working.

Weight Loss Pro Tip: Use a Big F*cking Cup

In case you missed my IG post earlier this week, I had a miserable minute or twelve when I weighed myself and had gained a substantial amount of weight (substantial is in the eye of the substantiater – YMMV). House-buying, work-changing (eventually? Shoutout to my job for keeping me around <3), living-in-two-places, moving, (temporarily) losing our Maine Coon cat… the excuses are limitless. I was eating like shit and telling myself all the physical labor from moving would keep the balance.

WRONG. 

I weighed in at 230.2.

230.2. 

Fucking. Hell. Man.

I haven’t weighed 230 since after I put weight back on post car-accident. Granted, the lowest I’ve gotten since my car accident is 202. And my current weight pre-moving was 217.8. But, still. That number hit me like a ton of takeout containers. Normally I’d wallow in self-pity and give myself another five days of eating bullshit to get my ass in gear, but nope – straight on the calorie-counting train of goodness.

A big part of successful weight loss for me is drinking water – I know, I know. That’s a big part of successful weight loss for everyone. But listen – for me, it’s one of those things that if I don’t constantly have water near me, I’ll forget about it until I’m so dehydrated I can barely function. Enter my Weight Loss Pro Tip: A Big Fucking Cup (I edited in the title because not everyone knows me and my foul mouth :D).

Bird got me this for Christmas last year:

IMG_20170901_151621

It’s 24-oz and, most importantly, it has a STRAW. I drink out of it ALL THE TIME. Having it near me and it being so accessible – I just do. I’m on my fourth one today and it’s only 6PM. That means I’ve already had 9 cups of water. It also means I’ve peed about 10 times, but I digress. Bonus: it saves you some small change when you get it refilled at Starbucks – just tell them you have a “personal cup” and make sure to take the lid off/straw out for them.

PS – I have been faithfully planning/tracking my food for five days now (today included) and am already down 3.8 lbs. So, wahoo to me and eff you to my recent poor decisions. Time to kill it.